Thank you for being a friend.... and what it means.

A friend cheers you on whether you've lost an ounce, a pound, or your patience.

A friend encourages you to eat healthier and doesn't lie when telling you that you've made a good (or not so good) food choice when you go out to eat. With them.

A friend notices a new haircut, weight loss, and when you've taken the time to put on makeup. Without you having to mention it.

A friend will tell you... the jeans are NOT the problem. And then blame your GENES instead.

A friend will pick you up when you're down, kick you in the seat of your pants when you need it. And NOT put up with your whining because they know whining leads to excuses which lead to failure.

A friend will look at your diary and not judge you. Or your choices. Because they know if you logged that you ate an arbitrary snack, you're either okay with it (in which case you don't need to hear that you shouldn't have eaten it) OR because you're not OK with it and you are already struggling.

A friend will watch a bad movie with you even if they know that means you'll be providing your own entertaining commentary. And throwing popcorn.

A friend will keep you from going out in the outfit you thought made you look beautiful but really looks like a circus tent. Or puts you in jeopardy of being someone's next call to What Not To Wear.

A friend will NOT call What Not To Wear on you. Ever.

As long as you're acting and living healthy, a friend won't tell you whether you should lose weight or not... they'll just support you either way.

A friend will agree with you when you say your spouse is an angel on earth or the devil's spawn. Sometimes in the same sentence.

A friend will agree with you when you say your children are either too smart or not smart enough to be yours. And then blame your spouse. :0)

A friend will NOT buy you treats they know you have a hard time eating just one of. Or they will only buy one. Or they will buy more than one but only give you one at a time.

A friend will laugh at your jokes. No matter how bad they are or how many times you've told them. Today.

A friend will promise to challenge you to wheelchair races in the nursing home.

A friend will be there when you have surgery, are sick, have company coming, or are overwhelmed. And they will forget how messy the problem was they helped fix... because they love you enough to never hold it over your head.

A friend will push you to do more than you thought you could.

I'm so happy you are my friend and I am yours. I welcome new friends all the time! This isn't the Titanic, folks... there are lifeboats for all!

Holocaust Remembrance Day- Never Forget

Today is World Holocaust Remembrance Day, a stark reminder of the depths of humanity's unchecked depravity and intolerance. I'm struck though, by the thought of the people who tried to fight against the tide, who risked their own lives to help strangers, who saw evil and attempted to thwart it.

On this solemn day, which serves to remind us of the dangers of bigotry, racism, and hatred... I wish I could say these problems are gone. And yet, I see people constantly judging, belittling, and even sometimes bullying others. Sometimes for their beliefs or their faith, sometimes for their figure, sometimes for their appearance, sometimes for their own needs. Isn't the lesson learned already?

At its heart, bullying represents the worst of us. It is NOT okay to build ourselves up by tearing others down. It is NOT okay to destroy others in an attempt to create what WE want. It is NOT okay to stand idly by and watch while others do things you know to be wrong and to not try to stop it, or at least bring it to the attention of those who can.

We must never allow the evil of the Holocaust to return. We must also not allow bullying to continue. Not in our schools, our homes, or our workplaces. The fact that there are children out there so traumatized by their peers that they take their own lives... this is beyond heartbreaking.

What can we do?

Be a source of light and inspiration.

Be someone who extends a hand in friendship to others regardless of race, religion, sexual identity, or economic status.

Be a champion of freedom and justice. Defend those who cannot defend themselves.

Be the one to remind others that judging people leads to a focus on our differences and makes it easier to point fingers at "them". Instead of "them", focus on "us". We are all in this together.

Be an advocate, not a bystander.

Be a voice for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

Be someone who does not tolerate injustice.

When we band together, we are unbreakable. When we allow bullies to earn their way to power, it takes a World War to stop them.

Never forget. Never again.

I've been out-positived. And I dare you to try it.

Today, I watched a video posted by a friend that brought tears to my eyes. I want you all to watch it too.

We all have moments of self doubt, of self pity, of frustration and anger.

But, after watching this man with no arms and no legs embrace life and find positivity, I'm more determined than ever to NEVER allow myself the luxury of wallowing in my own muck.

I consider myself a pretty upbeat and positive person... but he made me really think about things. Things I would like to say to you because I care about you. I'm not advocating becoming selfish and ONLY thinking about your needs... but what I am suggesting is that if you don't look out for yourself, no one else can do it for you.

Love yourself. I know it sounds trite, but if you don't love you, how can anyone else?

You are worth it. You are beautiful, inside and out. It's not the number on the scale that determines beauty or worth.

Don't vest your happiness in someone else's actions. Make your own happy. Find a way to make someone's day brighter. Every day. And it will rub off on you.

Make your life what YOU want it to be. For you. And share it with people who share your values. Make friendship count.

Don't expect it to be easy. If it was easy, we'd all be thin, rich, and have clean houses. (by the way, my house is a mess.... ) :)

Prioritize your time. And your energy.

When you know a relationship is toxic, treat it like a hazardous chemical. Wear gloves, protect yourself, and minimize your exposure. Sometimes it's the only way to handle a relationship which you value with a person you love but who isn't able to have a positive relationship with you.

And if you don't believe me, take a couple of minutes to be inspired. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Gc4HGQHgeFE

100 days into the journey to finding my Skinny Me

Wow. This morning I hit my first century and triple digit day on MFP. So, in keeping with my promise to blog whenever I felt the urge, I've decided to share some things I found that have helped me reach this date without feeling deprived, hungry, or resentful....

Now, there is a quick caveat... I don't eat clean, I'm a conscientious omnivore, I eat a handful of gummy bears almost every day, and yet I've lost 13 1/2 pounds in 14 weeks. So, take my advice with a grain of salt. But not more than that because I'm a stickler for sodium....

So here are my tips, for what they are worth:

1). Don't call it a diet. MFP provides you with information, but no one dictates what you can or can't eat. DIET is a 4-letter word. Diet means you're not allowed to eat things or have to only eat others. MFP is more like a bank account. You have a daily balance to achieve between calories in and weight loss goals. Don't get yourself stuck in a diet mentality.

2) Don't give up your social life. MFP has a HUGE food database for all kinds of restaurants. We know you don't want to give your life up or not be able to go out with friends. So go. And enjoy! But so you can be aware of what you're doing, just log it.

3) Do log your food. Whether you go over or you stay under, if you want to get the big picture on a weekly basis (and remember we record weekly weight), you need to keep track even on the days when it looks ugly as we look back on it. The truth is you need to reduce your caloric intake by 3500 calories a week (some may disagree but that's what I've been told and it's working for me so far) in order to lose a pound a week. So maybe you went over one day by 500 calories.... just balance it out over the rest of your week and you've not lost any ground.

4) Do use measurements to monitor your loss. Don't just rely on the scale. Remember the scale is only one measurement of the changes your body is making. Don't put too much power in those numbers to make you feel like you are ONLY doing well if you lose or you've failed if you gained. Just be sure you understand why either way. And measure your body. Even if you're not losing pounds, you may be losing inches and that counts tremendously.

5) Buy low-calorie snacks that you can enjoy and savor them. For me, those Special K Sour Cream & Onion cracker chips are absolutely heaven sent. I love them instead of fried anythings. I know how big a serving is and can sit down with them and enjoy them.... for 110 calories. To me, that's a treat. And one that I can afford.

6) Cook simply and in bulk. I have found that my crock pot and a lean cut of turkey or beef with just a little bit of no salt seasoning and some no-salt canned veggies can become a soup or a meal that I can eat for days. I've invested in some single serve Ziploc containers I can use to make and freeze a weeks worth of lunches in a single meal... and I save some $$ that way too.

7) If you don't really want it and you're not loving it... don't eat it. Calories are too precious to waste on something you don't really want but that you are eating just because it's there. Promise yourself something you do want. Log it so you can see the cost. Think of it as shoes. Those ugly cowbell slippers might only be $5.99 at your local ShoesRUs, but if you spent that $5.99 there, you might miss out on the Stuart Weitzmann pumps that were on sale at FancyShoes for $55.99 because you're
just $5.99 short. Does that even make sense?

8) Log into MFP every day. Even when you feel cruddy, or when you're bloated, or when youdon't want to because you know darn well you've gained. Log in because the support and love is here. Log in because you have friends that will cheer you on. Log in because it does count. If I hadn't logged in every one of those 100 days, I wouldn't BE at 100 days.

9) Track your sodium. I don't remember anymore if that's one of the standard things MFP includes in the daily diary, but if it's not, customize yours and add it. Sodium is a hidden weight loss land mine. Most of the folks who I've noticed get stuck on a plateau or find themselves not losing are not watching their sodium... and it adds up FAST.

My Taekwon-Do Journey & Why I Can't Quit (my 3rd degree black belt testing essay)

Teaching Taekwon-Do is as much a part of my life as breathing. But on September 1, 2010, whether by simple accident or by fate, my life changed in a split second when my foot slid off a curb and twisted as it hit the ground when I was getting out of my car. It was a single moment, a millisecond really, that passed before I could even register what had happened.

My life at that point was fairly predictable, I was gearing up for a November test date for 3^rd Dan. I was worried about whether I would be able to do my instructor proud because my physical abilities have always been somewhat of a stretch. I’ve never been able to jump high or had great flexibility. But what I HAD and what I still have to this day is a love for the art of Taekwon-Do. It is that love that kept me training (sort of anyway) and teaching through 2.5 months of a walking cast, 15 months of physical therapy, and many fairly discouraging doctor visits. It is that love that forced me to channel my energy into finding new and sometimes dramatically unconventional ways to help my students along their journeys.

I had assumed my journey, at least as a student, had come to a crashing halt. I kept waiting for my foot to heal. And waiting. And waiting. And…. In the meantime, since I was unable to perform techniques or demonstrate them, I developed a new teaching vocabulary and a whole new style.

I studied the nuances of the techniques in the Encyclopedia and focused on making sure my students understood the overall concepts behind the moves on a far more detailed level. I became enamored with Step Sparring and the freedom it offers the students to “test” their own theories of what attacks and blocks belong together. I found a new way to love Taekwon-Do.

I learned to rely on my juniors and my students to help with classes more, since many of the classes rely on “watching” the instructor and well, watching me for technique is like trying to learn how to play music from someone without an instrument. In learning how to describe techniques with more detail, in focusing on the kinetic movement, and in identifying not only the purpose of each technique but its application in my instruction, I believe I became a better teacher. Not necessarily good, mind you, but better. :0)

And, in my efforts to become a better teacher, I developed even more creative ways to present the material without losing the details. I made up games and mnemonics, silly rhymes and names, and then, when nothing else seemed to work to get my students to understand what I was trying to get them to do, there were the famous ferocious feral ferrets which will always have a special place in my heart… and of course, there were the endless (admittedly sometimes groan worthy) jokes. I’ve always found people learn better when they enjoy themselves.

While I recognize there’s a lot that I’ve lost, I think I’ve gained something even more important. I’ve learned to use my sense of humor, my years of singing lessons, my amazing art abilities (feel free to ask my students about the many-toed feet I draw for them), my English major writing skills, and my sense of humour (British style) to make me a more intellectually flexible teacher. I’ve figured out (albeit not in a pretty way but in the best way I know how) ways to be able to do my patterns… more than I ever dreamed would be possible. And, sure, it’s not pretty. And sometimes I wish I COULD do more. But I’ve already done more than I thought would be possible. And I’ll never give up.

Because what Taekwon-Do has taught me, above all else, is the value of having a dream to chase and a goal to reach for. And because I have an amazing instructor and best friend in Mrs. Marianne Armstrong who simply by continuing to do what she does and lead by example despite her many physical limitations and injuries, and who never complains, and who always has a smile on her face and a kind word for all, serves as a reminder every day that quitting is never an option.

90 days... what I've learned....

I have now been logging on to MFP for 90 days. I know this, because on my profile page, it is my status. 90 days. Wow.

Thank goodness MFP counts my days for me, because anyone who knows me "from the real world" knows how math-tastic I am not. Really. I went to law school BECAUSE I knew I could write, and because I knew I couldn't add. (side note.. if I could have added, I would have figured out how much of an investment NOT to make in going to law school... by the time I was done paying off my school debt, I was ready to leave the practice of law altogether...)

But that's a story for a different day. Today, 90 days in, I feel like I need to share some less smart alecky maybe actually useful suggestions that have helped me make it to 90 days. I don't eat Clean, or Vegan, or claim to have any mystic knowledge. I'm not a nutritionist or an expert. Please don't tell me what I'm doing "wrong" because honestly, I'm happy. And what I'm doing is working FOR ME. It isn't a recipe for success for anyone else, but it is some tips that I found helpful. So, for what it's worth, here they are:

1) THIS IS NOT A DIET. Seriously, this is the number one thing. There are no required foods or forbidden foods. I think of each day as having a bank of calories to spend as I wish. And MFP as my calculator helping me figure out what I can afford to eat (see math phobia above). There are several accounts I monitor pretty closely- namely calories, fat, and sodium. I don't watch the carbs or the sugars as much. To date, this is still working for me. But I'm only trying to lose a pound a week. This is a marathon for me, not a sprint.

2) IT IS WORTH IT TO EXERCISE. Even if I only burn 110 calories pedaling away on my recumbent bike like a hamster on a wheel, it's worth it to get my body moving. Because I see the reward both in terms of the numbers on the scale and in terms of being able to add to my daily "caloric bank". I DO eat my exercise calories back. It works for me. If it doesn't for you, then don't. But I can only tell you what works for me.

3) IF THERE"S SOMETHING I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT, I HAVE IT. This is true whether I'm talking about a healthyfood that might be a little more expensive (darn it, I'm worth it) OR it might be an unhealthy food. What's the difference? Easy. If it's (let's say) SHRIMP, yum yum yum... I can easily justify spending the money because I know I'll really enjoy it. Can I do it every day? Of course not. But I do appreciate it when I do splurge a little. Similarly, if it's let's say GUMMY BEARS, I can easily afford the money... but can I afford the calories? Depends on the rest of my day. There are plenty of days where I've been able to fit in a handful of gummy bears. But I take ONE handful. And I count 'em out. And I love em. And I bite their heads off first. :)

4) I KEEP EASY LOW-CAL SNACKS ON HAND FOR DAYS WHEN I DON'T WANT "MEALS". There are ALWAYS carrots and hummus in my house. And Special K snack foods really work for me. I LOVE the 100 calorie fruit crisps for breakfast (and haven't found anything else with 100 calories that I enjoy as much) and the occassional Sour Cream & Onion Special K crackers (27 crackers for like 100 or 110 calories). I buy low-fat Tzatziki dip at Costco and eat it on Sweet Peppers. Yummylicious. And totally satisfying.

5) I PLAN AHEAD... SO I CAN GO ANYWHERE AND FIND SOMETHING TO EAT.I love the MFP Food database. From the first weekend when I joined and realized I COULD still go to Culvers with our TKD family and find something there that I could enjoy and still keep under calories... that is really meaningful to me. I happen to LIKE to go out to eat. I'm not a huge fan of cooking... so being able to go out and eat with my friends was critical to my success. And having the ability to plan meals at some of the trickier restaurants allowed me to go in and not face the menu and panic.

6) WHETHER I HAVE A GREAT DAY OR I GO OVER... I JUST KEEP MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ONE. I don't spend my life worrying about whether I was too far over or too far under on any one day. Why? Cause this is a marathon, not a sprint (see above). And because tomorrow I won't remember what I did today (I'm a little like Dory.. and I just keep swimming swimming swimming)....why are you following me? ;) Oh yeah and also because I get to see a big picture on a weekly basis. I'm aiming for that 3500 calorie deficit over a week-long period (I know some of you say baloney but since it is working for me, I buy it).

7) I STAY POSITIVE. This is the one I think that really keeps me going. If I gain, or if I lose each week, I DON'T LET IT RATTLE MY CAGE too much. That's right. Whether I lose or gain, I see it as a bump in the road. I don't get out of the car to see whether what I hit was a wallet or a skunk... I just keep driving. I figure if it was a wallet, then I don't want to be too excited because I'm going to be invested in finding whose it was. If it was a skunk, and I get out and make a big deal about it, I'm just likely to get sprayed. So if there's a loss, I note it, and i'm pleased because it shows I'm doing things right FOR ME. But I'm not pretending that because I lost it... it's gone forever. It's only gone forever if I keep on going. And if there's a gain, I don't throw my hands up in despair and claim it's not working. I try to understand WHY it happened, and as long as I do, I learn. And I keep on going.

Just keep swimming.....

I give up.... it doesn't work anyway... I don't care.... I want to quit (AFD post)

I give up...
Meaningless munchies and late night snacks that don't do anything good for me.
It doesn't work anyway
To keep eating like I was eating without balancing my life with exercise
I don't care
how small a nibble I put in my mouth, I log it. Because I need to see what does and doesn' t work and the big picture.
I want to quit
Making excuses and waiting for my health to change without taking control of my life and my weight and my choices.
Made ya look, didn't I? Happy April Fool's Day! :)