26 Acts of Love and Kindness in Memory of Sandy Hook Elementary

I haven't posted in a LONG time. Life has been busy, work has been busy, and I've been wrapped up with other "stuff". Until last Friday. And then it's like someone put the brakes on HARD and my head hit a virtual dashboard. And suddenly there was stuff I had to say.. but first I had to digest what had happened.

You know what bothered me first? The fact that they call this atrocity a "tragedy". For some reason, that was really getting under my skin. Hurricane Sandy was a tragedy. It was a disaster imposed on innocent people through no individual person's acts. What happened at Sandy Hook Elementary, however, was a massacre. And while the results are, indeed, tragic, they were due to the choice, actions, and evil demonstrated by a single sick individual.

I give tremendous credit to the news networks who chose to focus their reporting and attention on the victims instead of their killer. I do believe that making his name be the one on people's minds leads to his name being remembered, so let's not speak of him. I do pity his family and his parents because their name will always be tied to his. I don't know what caused this evil to erupt in him... but I'm not willing to take the easy way and blame his choices on whatever illness he suffered from... whether it was aspergers or autism or any other one of a host of mental illnesses that he had, they did not cause this to happen. He still stood there watching children dying around him. And he kept shooting.

Instead of getting on the gun debate bandwagon or the arming the teachers bandwagon, I for one would rather take a little time and focus on the bright lights that were so cruelly snuffed out. On the Teachers, Staff and Administrators who put the children's lives before their own. They are heroes. On the children whose lives were ended before they had even really begun. Their potential is lost to the world, and their families will be forever scarred. On the survivors who lost friends, colleagues, relatives, parents, and children. They will never get back what has been taken.

So what can we do? We're not there. We can't change what happened. But last night on Twitter, Ann Curry proposed we each take on 26 acts of love and kindness/mitzvahs to try to bring some light back into the world. And I'm in. Completely.Anyone who knows me knows that I am at my best when I have something I can DO to try to help.

My first act will be to create a paper chain of love. I remember when my kids were little (probably around the ages of the kids in Sandy Hook), one project the teachers gave was to make paper chains. You take a strip of paper, write something on it, link it to another, and close the circles. I intend to start mine tonight when the kids come home. I'd WELCOME any contributions... I guess my goal in making this is to create a link so that the folks in Newtown know they are loved across the nation. It's not that hard. Take a little cardstock and cut it into 2" strips. Find something to say that you wish you could tell people who are hurting even though it won't actually change things.

I believe that 26 lights were snuffed out in horrible violent ways last Friday. And that it falls to each of us to find a way to generate a little extra love and kindness. In at least 26 ways. That's how we can memorialize the lost. That's how we can make the world just a little bit better. That's how we can feel better ourselves. By holding hands and linking arms and standing strong. With love.

Momtruths about back to school time

There's this theory out there, that going back to school for kids means Moms sit at home, alone all day, waiting for their precious cargo to return so they can dote on them. And while there is CERTAINLY some truth in the concept that when your kids head off for that 7 or 8 hour period, we Moms all miss them to various degrees, there are also some other truths.

1) We really enjoy having a cup of whatever we drink in the morning. In peace and quiet. Even if we have to wipe down the crumbs the kids left before we can sit in the chair, it's lovely to just have that little bit of time.

2) For at least some measurable period of time, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the condition of the house. (This one cuts both ways, obviously)....

3) We get to turn on whatever music we want while we clean. And sing along. Loudly. Without anyone reminding us that the windows are open and the neighbors can hear.

4)We get to go the restroom. By ourselves. With no one fighting, pounding on the door, or otherwise interrupting us to tell us that (my personal favorite)...they didn't know where we were. One caveat though is that with no one else home, there likelihood that the phone will ring is directly proportionate to whether you brought it in with you or not.

5) We can trust that once we've used the restroom, the seat will stay down until the children returneth.

6) We can actually walk through the grocery store at our own pace. And not have someone breathing down our neck asking "are you done YET?" because they are in a rush to have us take them elsewhere to play with others.

7) We can eat whatever we want for lunch (as long as we log it) without anyone messing up our portion sizes by taking bites of "ours". Or by having to make foods that the kids leave us that we end up snacking on....

8) We can have ENTIRE conversations on the phone without anyone crashing into us, trying to start a whole NOTHER conversation WITH us, or grabbing our attention because NOW is the time they test that whole anti-gravity concept...

9) We get to talk to them. About their day, about their accomplishments and struggles, and about their experiences. And we get to listen to them share with us without having experienced it ourselves.

10) Despite all of the above, we get to look forward to them coming home. And we appreciate all the little moments more. Somehow, the little annoyances and intrusions seem less annoying and intrusive when we've missed them.

The Beauty of NOT logging in (or that's what friends are for)

So, for those of you who know me (or who follow my blog or are f/b friends with me), this last weekend was the Garage Sale of the Century. We went through and cleaned house top to bottom, clearing out kids toys and clothes and puzzles, games, you name it. We did a tremendous job of getting rid of anything we hadn't used in the last couple years. It was a raging success.

However, my phone decided to go on the fritz right when we got about neck deep in the garage sale cleaning project. I mean there was no internet, no email, nothing. Not a very smartphone.

BUT, I've been hopping. Madly. Here there and everywhere. So even though I didn't get a chance to log in like I have every day since January 2012, I missed it. I missed all of you. I had many funny moments where I went... shoot, that would have been a great blog post.

So what is the beauty of not logging in ? I mean, there are real consequences here. I know that because I didn't log in, I have to start over from day one. And I missed THREE WHOLE DAYS of logging. Not one or just two, but three. Enough that my friends were notified and many of you stepped up and were concerned. Thank you for that.

Wait... I get a chance to start over? To gear back up and get excited again? To not see the loss of days but the gain of opportunity?

I'm thinking that's the beauty. Right there. Where second chances are born. And new days are always dawning. And friends step up to remind you when you've fallen off the wagon.

Cleaning House & Taking Stock (The Garage Sale Weight Loss Plan)

It's almost back-to-school season. I know lots of people do what is referred to as "spring cleaning" but that's never really held a lot of appeal to me. Quite honestly, once spring hits, the LAST thing I want to do is clean.
So here I am, in the heat of the summer, tearing through kids clothes and closets, toy chests, and sweating bullets. Why? Because I have convinced myself and my immediate family members that what we need to do is to have a garage sale. Which I'm sure you can imagine, went over about as well as if I had announced we were going to have a family square dance (which I might enjoy but the boys in my house would rather have root canal surgeries without novacaine).
So, in order to rid myself of all the stuff I have just sitting around here (let us call them say, empty calories), what I am doing is hauling boxes and sorting, labeling and lifting, and sweating my tushie off while doing so.
Getting rid of things is a GREAT feeling. Pulling out the stuff that no one uses or wants anymore to know it's going to go to someone who will use or want it, that's the great thing about the garage sale. The cash is okay, too, but the real value to me is the clearing of the clutter.
So it's not just the kids rooms that are scoured for items of value. It's the kitchen, the basement, the storage closets, the "gift" cubbies, the works. Anything and everything that we haven't touched in the last 2 years is up for consideration.
So while I am getting ready to gain some storage space and some cash, I'm also sweating off some poundage. There may not be an exercise category for it yet, but I'm strapping on my hrm and I will be inputting these calories burned (oh heck yeah I will).
So what's the garage sale weight loss plan? Easy. Call your local paper and schedule an ad for a garage sale. Once you're committed to it, trust me... the calories will run about as fast as the children do when they hear the words "work to be done". AND, you will gain a sense of control over your environment which will only help you stay in control over your eating.
Best of luck. Sale is Friday from 9 to 4. See ya if you might be interested in a ping pong table, or a laserdisc player/collection (cause who didn't have one of THOSE)... ;)

Aiming for Adequate in an Olympic World

Watching the Olympics is awesome. Those breathtaking moments where we see others push themselves beyond what seem to be the boundaries of possibility and thereby redefining what possibile means, those are awesome.

And watching the winners, often neck and neck with each other, straining every muscle in an attempt to earn that coveted Gold medal, that's somehow incredible to watch too.

But what about those folks who don't medal Gold, Silver or Bronze? Do we just write them off?

Not in my book.

See, in my book, it took a tremendous amount of effort and ability just to be able to be on the field.

Heck, I couldn't even get my butt to London to WATCH these amazing athletes compete. But in terms of "newsworthiness", how many stories do you hear about the folks who stayed together in the middle of the pack? Umm, at least around here, it's a whopping none.

So, my friends, the winners get the glory and the medals and tangible proof of their accomplishments.

And rightfully so.

But it seems to me that each of those athletes that competed, well, they deserve recognition in their own right. Because, let's face it. I'm not going to be one of them. Now, or ever.

I'm okay with just being as athletic as I need to be to be healthy, just as sleep deprived as I have to be in order to get done what needs to get done, just as patient as I have to be to raise my kids, and just as committed as I need to be in order to keep losing weight.

I'm not in a race. If I was, I'd be one of those names at the bottom of the screen that very quickly gets passed over. But this is a lifelong journey for me. It's not about the glory or about being the best.

Sometimes adequate is more than enough.

10 Least Likely Olympic Sports for MFPers

1) The Exercise of WillPower: There are tables filled with salty and sweet and baked treats. All contestants simply have to wait around and not eat. The one who holds out longest wins gold.

2) Staring contests.

3) Synchronized logging.

4) Multi-Day Log completions.

5) Restaurant Ordering while keeping sodium below daily goals.

6) Multi-Tasking- Commenting on logs while drinking coffee and raising kids, answering phones, performing simple math tasks, and folding laundry.

7) Meal Planning. With a pretty much vegetarian, a carnivore, an omnivore, and yours truly, I do believe meal planning should count as an Olympic sport.

8) Calorie Counting. Extra points for accuracy and honesty.

9) Clothes Shopping- Guessing the right sizes, squishing all the appropriate parts in the next size smaller hoping to get there, and figuring out whether in fact "those jeans really do make my butt look bigger" should be considered.

And LAST but NOT LEAST:

10) Blogging.

Pretty sure I would win a few medals, and it would be worth the taxes I'd have to pay to keep 'em.

Reasons why Losing Weight is NOT an Olympic Sport...

1. With all the size changes, the uniforms wouldn't fit by the time we were competing.

2. Because no one finds watching "salad eating" as interesting as, say, discus throwing.

3. Because without a court order, none of us are climbing on scales in front of NBC and the world to show our losses. I speak for myself here but believe not everyone wants the world to know JUST how heavy we were to start.

4. Because the Olympics don't last forever but keeping weight off does.

5. Because, let's be honest, certain countries/cultures simply have more to lose and therefore it's not an internationally fair playing field.

6. Because most of the Olympic athletes I've seen are already thin BECAUSE of their insane exercise habits.

7. Because most of us who need to lose weight in significant amounts wouldn't make it through the Parade of Nations march without an oxygen tank. Or, in my case, a wagon.

8. Because we would need our own flag for MFP. And who wants to design THAT?

9. Because there are too many competitors.

10. Because the winning medals would add to the scale.... who wants that!?!?!?!?

My Dirty Little Secret- A Confession of the Highest Order

In some respects, I think of the Food Network as the voyeurism industry for the food-indulgent. Yeah, I'm talking Food Porn.

I watch them all. From the shows where the chef yells at the contestants and every other word is bleeped to the scientific approach to food and its ingredients to the bakery battles, to the contests.

I'm hooked.

And it's not about the people, or their personalities, that gets my groove on. No, it's the food.Even when food is badly prepared and Chef throws it at the contestants or the garbage, it STILL looks prettier than anything I've ever prepared. Somehow, my cakes don't ever turn out even and my meals are as likely to be burnt as they are to be raw.

Somehow, the ground turkey tacos that come out of my pan are not as appealing or appetizing as the multi-course meals that these winningist chefs toil over. BUT, in my house, those turkey tacos are all the rage. Really.

I think if I actually spent the time dicing, chopping, slicing, sauteeing, stirring, broiling, baking, and grilling the food these fabulous cooks prepare in their professional kitchens, I'd never have time to blog or write resumes or teach Taekwon-Do. And there would be SO many dishes. And either one (or both) of my children wouldn't eat it.

So, for now, I'm a boxed mac&cheese mom. With a staple of dishes ranging from lasagna to tacos to stir fry...

But at night, when everyone else is asleep, I turn on the Food Network and watch the chefs at work. And then I dream of a stainless steel kitchen (with a robot dishwasher that removes and handwashes every implement and utensil).

And in that dream kitchen, in my apron and mitts, I become FANTASTIC CHEF. Able to produce low-cost healthy tasty meals with little or no prep work or dishes. Consistently creating meals that the entire family can enjoy. Supplying a range of spices, and flavors, and textures, and tastes galore.

Then, of course, the next morning, when I wake, I realize that it's just me. And I face my kitchen demons with a new smile on my face. At least, once I have my coffee. And I make the meals, and I know that after my family goes back to sleep, I will turn to my secret obsession and enjoy a visual smorgasbord.

Revenge of the Scale

You all remember that little conversation I shared with you last week between me and the scale, right? Well, let's say this... apparently he (and yes, I'm sure it is a HE) read it and was not thrilled with me.

So I went in this morning. First, he wouldn't turn on. I had to cajole him a couple of times gently with my foot.

Finally he yawned and half flickered his numbers at me.

But I am persistent, and stood on him anyway.

I could hear him saying "you think I didn't notice that you shared our intimate moment together?" All the neighborhood scales on MFP are making fun of me now."

And then I saw a number that was... HIGHER than last week. And I swear, he chuckled.

"Remember that movie popcorn you enjoyed a couple days ago? Yeah.... I heard about it. From the dishwasher."

Now, I admit I enjoyed that popcorn. And I KNOW it had sodium. So while I refuse to accept him
talking back to me, I have decided how I am going to handle this little road bump.

I'm not recording it on MFP. Now, wait... before you go jumping up and down warning me that if I don't it will turn back into a camel bump, hear my logic on it. I admit you MAY be right. And I will have to closely monitor things. But the fact is.... I don't want to get complimented on the same loss twice. I don't want to go up and then come back down and feel like I did something good. I want to only focus on positive progress. I have a new LIFE goal to get back to the weight I was last week (which by the way is only a couple of pounds and I know will be gone... probably tomorrow morning). But this way, my journey is a lot cleaner.

If by trying this, the scale KEEPS going in the wrong direction, I will know that it is not working and I will go back to recording every week, rise or fall. But I'm willing to try something new. And I'm NOT going back to the scale to ask him to change his mind today.

He can bite me.

The Very Real Power of Social Media

OK, this blog post is not about sniffing chocolate or battling weight or dealing with the mentality of weight loss.... well, at least not directly.

Without going into detail or invading this family's privacy (because it's not my story to tell), I have a good friend who used the power of social media to address an injustice last week being done to their son by an institutional organization. This friend wrote a blog detailing his family's experience and disappointment with the system in hopes of effectuating change. He was careful, in my opinion, probably too much so, not to attack the organization and remained clearly hopeful that the decision would be reversed. After his blog was noticed and picked up and carried around the social media world, his family received a personal apologyfrom the person who acknowledged they had made a mistake.

The story, however, did not end there. His blog gained tons of comments ranging from supportive of him to attacking the organization to vilifying him for having made a public statement in any way derogatory and proclaiming that the institution which had a long-standing reputation did not deserve to be criticized.

The institution itself, which had remained silent, then finally made a statement online basically defending its reputation, and proclaiming its hard work over many decades. Fine. But then they decided to make a point about the use of social media and the sin of gossip. And my fingers started twitching.

See, here's the reality. Institutions have been allowed to protect themselves for decades with a web of silence and intimidation. Within that cocoon, objections can be raised and quashed, events can be cleaned up, and the spotless reputation of the institution is, to all outward appearances, shiny and clean. It's like when company comes over and all the clutter gets shoved under the bed so no one else sees it.

But the clutter is still there. And now, with the power of social media, matters of injustice and inappropriate behavior CAN be brought to light with a single individual's keystrokes. Of course, there is a responsibility there to be mindful that you don't abuse that power. But for decades, behind closed doors and institutional walls, there were plenty of individuals whose voices were never heard who suffered injustices. Now the tables have turned.

I don't advocate using social media to bash a business because you didn't have a great experience (i.e. you went out to dinner and the food was eh and the service was eh). You as a consumer still have the power to address that by choosing whether or not to return to the restaurant. BUT, when a restaurant (and this actually happened in our town) refused to let a seeing eye dog in with his master, in clear violation of state law, and that story hit the news and social media, that was an important and clear example of an individual standing up for his rights. That restaurant is gone now but the lesson learned remains.

We as consumers, as individuals, now have the power to shine a light on injustice, discriminatory action, and other wrongdoings by organizations, no matter their size. Organizations need to recognize and admit when they have made mistakes if they want their reputations to remain credible and believable. They need to respond to the individual. And, when they have done something wrong, or misguided, they need to be willing to publicly apologize and state how they are going to make a change if they want to be valued and viewed the same way. Had that happened in the original case, had the institution's post simply stated "we acknowledge our mistake and will work harder to ensure it doesn't happen again" I wouldn't be writing this post at all.

Social media has shifted the balance of power. Just like Spiderman says, "with great power comes great responsibility". So blog responsibly, folks. But don't allow injustices to be swept under the rug because you think you don't have the power as an individual to make a difference. You do. And when your cause is just, and your position clear, and your goal is to make the world a better place, if anyone gives you a hard time, they are in the wrong.

My "50 shades" of chocolate temptation moment....

I wandered in by accident. Really. We had gone for a healthy meditteranean dinner and swung by the movie theater to pick up some far less healthy but still delicious popcorn for a treat to bring home. I saw the giant teddy bear outside and wandered in to the store. I never expected what happened next.

First, as I opened the door, the smell hit me. That mouthwatering overwhelming aroma that only comes from chocolate made by people who understand its different types and textures. There was sugar in the air and all around. I had to take a moment and just breathe. There are no calories in air, right?

By the time I could open my eyes, my brain was screaming "LEAVE" but my stomach was trying desperately to bargain with me "just look a little... I'm full, it's okay". And because I wanted to know more about what things could be done with and to chocolate, I stayed.

Twinkies. Deep fried, then dipped in caramel and chocolate. Apples dipped in so many different kind of sweets and savory treats that it was wholly unrecognizable as fruit. Salty snacks... everything from pretzels to potato chips and crackers covered in milky, white, and dark goodness. Toffee. Mmmmmmmm.

And then there were the candies. Brightly colored, enticing. Promising the taste of fruity goodness and chewy satisfaction.

I stood there, drinking in the vision of what I can only imagine Heaven must look like. And then, slowly, turned and walked away, taking one last delightful deep breath before walking out.

Cause no matter how good it seems, if it's not worth it to me, I'm not buying it. :)

My Conversation with the Scale

So as I was heading into the bathroom this morning to face my scale, hoping to see a slight budge in the numbers, I had this thought of what life must be like from the scale's perspective.... which turned into a dialogue that I needed to share.

Scale: Are you back AGAIN???? Sheesh, lady, I mean I know I'm important and all, but don't you think once a week is a little much?

Me: Yeah... it's Friday. Again.

Scale: Do you REALLY want to know?

Me: I think so?

Scale: Are you going to yell at me?

Me: I make no promises.

Scale: Well... I'll give you a hint. You've seen this number before.

Me: Sigh.

Scale: You want me to lie?

Me: No.

Scale: Are you mad?

Me: Well, not really. I mean, I know the number is the same as the last few weeks. Any chance you're broken?

Scale: Well you could try resetting me. But you did that last week and the week before (and I hate to point it out but you also did it just now before you got on me again). Here, step off and try again.

Me: Sigh.

Scale: Nope, I'm right.

Me: It's okay. I know you're going to change at some point. And I won't give up until you do.

Scale: I think that's great. I applaud your persistence. But, one question.... do you EVER wear clothes?

Me: Shut up.

A Sweet Summer Love Story (with a spicy kick...)

I have a secret love affair going on. My husband and kids know about it, but have agreed not to interfere because they know how much my health matters to me. And my need for crunchy sweetness can only be satisfied with an abundance of...
Peppers.

Sweet bell peppers. I eat them raw, grilled, roasted, sauteed with onions and zucchini, any which way I can.

I love 'em green, red, yellow, orange, and in all sizes from baby to Ancient Sweet. I eat em up plain, with salsa, low fat cream cheese, tzatziki sauce, and hummus.

I eat 'em more than once a day. They are cold, sweet, crunchy, delicious, and mouthwateringly satisfying. They meet my every snack need.

What's your guilty pleasure?

An a"DORY"able post

So for those of you who know me, you know I'm as likely to forget something as I am to remember it, if not more so. And although I have now been tracking and logging my food intake for 195 days (wow where did the time go), I have slowly been slipping away from my blog because, well, quite honestly, I forgot how much fun I have writing it.

Am I losing weight 195 days in? Yup. Is it fast? Nope. Is it even consistent? Not really. Am I considering my 13 or so lbs gone a success? You bet your 13-lb turkey I am.

Here's the thing. It's not a race to lose weight. And yeah, I'm sure I could have made better food choices along the way and lost quicker. And there have been a couple of times when I went back up and had to go back down again and there have been lots of plateaus when I haven't exercised as much as I should have... but despite those things, I am still DOWN 13+ lbs. That, in and of itself, motivates me to keep tracking (even when I know I'm going over my calorie goal for the day or when I know I have to make a best guess because there's no exact match) and logging in every day.

Getting healthier is NEVER boring. Improving my overall well being and managing my summer life with 2 kids and a part-time babysitting gig, a martial arts school to co-manage, a resume job to fill in the gaps, and occassional housework and hubby time... and KEEPING THOSE 13 lbs off despite all of those things? That's a win in my book.

It would always be easy to say "I haven't lost weight in 3 weeks so this doesn't work and I'm just going to give up". I'm POSITIVE that would swing the scale alright... but in the wrong direction.

So I'm just keeping on swimming, swimming, swimming....

Just Weighing In

Okay.. I KNOW I've been kind of quiet lately... but with the end of the school year and the beginning of summer is always a crazy time. Add to that the fun of watching a one-year old munchkin who is just a joy to spend time with and I suspect you can see why I haven't been as active lately.

Interesting thought... when my kids were one, I suspect they were JUST as cute and fun and wonderful to be with... but that I was WAY to tired to enjoy it as much. Now as the part-time substitute babysitter/nanny for my girlfriend's precious peanut, all we have is time for fun. Because at 5 pm, she goes home.

Don't think for a minute that just because I've been running around like a looneytoones character bringing kids to tennis and crew and chasing this baby girl and not writing blog posts... that it means I've not been logging. Oh yeah, better believe it's still true. If I bite it, I write it.

I have had some off weeks where I was under but I gained back... and I know why. When breakfast is at dinner time, because your day has gotten away from you, and dinner is right before you close up your computer at 1 am? Yeah... you're going to gain. I was still making decent choices, but eating so late DEFINITELY has an impact.

I'm back to eating breakfast at... welll. breakfastime. And that seems to be helping. And I'm watching my munchkin in a little bit, so I better get going.

Stay motivated. Don't let the bumps in the road be your downfall...

Just KEEP SWIMMING!

Playing the LOSING Game

Welcome my friends, aboard the MFP game show extraordinaire, the LOSING GAME!!! (cue thunderous applause)..

Rules of the Game are SIMPLE and if you follow them, everyone's a winner!

1) Write what you bite.
Anything that goes into your mouth gets logged (as best you can) into your journal. ANYTHING. Yes, those side dishes and sauces count. YES, you should count even that "taste" you had. Why? Because not logging it isn't going to help you lose.

2) Move your feet, there's more to eat.
Exercise calories allow you to enjoy more food. From what I understand (and I know there are those who will disagree with me here but this is what's been working for me)... The more you exercise, the more you can eat and still lose. I know some people say it's not working for them, and far be it from me to claim to be a professional... but the logic of the MFP system makes sense to me. Eating less than 1200 calories a day, on the other hand, does not.

3) Be a friend, don't offend.
Chances are if you are on this site, and reading this blog, you are one of the people who needs people in order to succeed. So are the rest of us. So while we all may feel strongly about a particular topic, there's no benefit to posting things that are critical, judgmental, or negative. There's more than enough of that. I'm pretty sure I won't lose weight by telling others what they should have done...

4) Leave your behind in your past and your past behind you.
Nobody ever made progress by working backwards or fixating on their mistakes. It's only from brushing ourselves off, taking our lumps, and putting our feet forward again that we progress. Don't let yesterday's hurts or anger get in the way of tomorrow's success. And don't carry other people's problems on your shoulders... we have enough to carry as it is!

5) Shout it out!
Every victory needs to be celebrated, no matter how big or small it seems. The ounces you lose are still accomplishments to be proud of... so let us know! DO shout it from the rooftops (or the car window, or the bathroom scale)...

6) Don't be a fool- the scale is just a tool!
Don't just rely on any one measuring tool to evaluate your success.... there are measuring tapes and places where inches as well as pounds get lost!!!! Those are known as Non Scale Victories (NSVs) and they matter!

7) Off you go, plateau!~
The fact is at one point or another, your body will stall. Keep watching those measurements, but don't get frustrated.... just push through it! You can do it!

Happy losing, friends!!!

What Defines Me

Well it's easy to say what DOESN'T define me, so let's start with that.

1) The scale. You don't define me. Heck, you don't even have words. You have numbers. And unlike "The Phantom Tollbooth", when it comes to definitions, words are WAY better than numbers. The best you can do is tell me where I am in my journey, not my value or my importance or my spirit. You can't measure my personality or my sense of humor. I only use you because I need a yardstick to check my growth (or should I say loss) status.

2) My weight. I am more than a number, (see above if you're one who likes to skip). That just shows how much of me there is to love, not who I am. I'm a small person with a big personality and that's not going to change no matter what I weigh. I'd like to believe that my weight is not the sole measuring tool by which my value as a human being is measured.

3) Food. What I eat or don't eat or drink or don't drink is my choice. Cheeseburgers don't launch themselves at my unwilling lips while my hands remain tied to my hips. No one is holding a diet coke to my face and forcing me to drink it. So, as long as I eat what I choose and deal with it, food doesn't own me or define me.

So what does define me? That's easy. It's my life .... my kids, my family, my friends, my martial arts school. It's my spirit. It's the drive that keeps me doing taekwon-do when I can't walk without a limp. It's the push that helps me stay up late so I can work 3 jobs, raise 2 kids, manage 1 martial arts school and a house, pick up and carpool and yeah... by the way, exercise, remember to get the RIGHT kids at the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time. It's energy. Positive energy. So maybe I'm naive. Maybe I'm pollyanna-ish. Maybe I'm just not seeing how lousy the world really is or how little water is in my cup. I DON"T CARE!

I don't look at how much more I have to lose... I celebrate every ounce gone!

Goals versus Journeys

I keep reading people's posts about goals. They have short term goals, long-term goals, and they seem to invest much of their sense of success in achieving those goals according to their plans. And please, I'm not an expert. Never claimed to be. I get that for some people, not having a goal to strive for simply doesn't work. I'm not trying to TELL you what to do... I just want to share what's working for me. In case it helps somebody.

I think maybe it's part of human nature... we want to be working towards something, trying to reach out and control our destinies a little bit and striving towards a tangible measurable result.

And, to be honest, in the past when I've tried to lose weight... I've done it too. I've had plans to lose xx pounds by yy event or be this weight by summer or fit into that dress by this party. And sometimes I made it, and that was great. But when I didn't? When I missed the mark, or life got in the way, or even if I became CONVINCED I wasn't going to miss the mark?

Well just THINKING I wasn't going to achieve my goal was enough to wreck my plans, throw me off my game and in some cases, give up altogether. Since I had set the goal, it seemed only fitting that if I wasn't going to reach it (Not getting into whether that goal was realistic or reasonable or even fair), why bother to try at all.

Then when I lost weight without even really trying (Thank you Taekwon-Do), 10 years ago, it hit me... I didn't have an goal I was invested in other than getting better at this art I came to love. I wasn't TRYING to lose weight and yet it was coming off. My goals were to manage my time, control my calendar.. and make it to class. And as long as I made it to class, the weight came off.

So how is that relevant to this situation, after all... weight didn't just creep back on by itself... nope. It brought friends.

Am I setting goals? Nope. Decided when I joined up that to set a series of weight-loss calendar goals for myself and make an arbitrary decision about how I was going to define success was a recipe for failure for me. So I, instead, chose to just ask MFP to create a calorie plan for me based on a concept (not a goal, just a concept) that I'd like to lose about a pound a week. And if I did, great, and if I didn't well that was going to be fine too. As long as I was on the right track.

I'm loving the control and ownership I have. Not over my scale, but over my meals. Not over where I'll be in one month or two or a year, but over what I chose to eat. Not over when I lose it by, or how long it takes, but over how much I WANT to lose.

For me, so far, it's working.

Testing 1.... 2.... 3

So it's always interesting when I tell people what I do. Former (recovering) attorney? People tend to snicker and giggle. I don't blame them.

Part-time stay-(at home) in the car mom? Cause goodness knows.... I spent WAY more time in my car than I do at home. This one has to get here.. that one there.... which kid am I taking where again?

Contract resume writer? Now that one usually gets eyebrows raised. Really... you write resumes... from home. Isn't that a scam? Nope it's real. Been doing it for just over 5 years. I actually enjoy it a lot.

And my personal favorite... Martial Arts school owner, and instructor. Wait... WHAT? Yup. Best. Job. Ever.

We opened our little school in March of 2005 when I was a high red belt. For those of you who don't know, that is the last of the color belts in the Taekwon-Do rank system (and there are 9 degrees of black belt beyond that). I tested for 1st degree balack belt in 2005 in the fall. Then in 2007, I tested for 2nd degree black belt. I was supposed to wait 2 years but I wasn't in a rush... and you know the rest of the story.

So when my instructor told me to get ready because she was planning to test me in April, I threw up a little in my mouth with fear got down to business as soon as I could. Step One: Relearn ALL my patterns in a modified way so i could still teach them properly but I could actually do them in a way that I could manage. Step 2: Make less of me so that my poor foot didn't have to work QUITE so hard to hold so much of me up (joining MFP came in here). Step 3: Get out on the floor and train.

Now, most people who are better than math than I am might have realized I said I was supposed to wait two years... but somehow I managed to stretch it to 5. And I was REALLY okay with that. I wasn't in a rush. And to my way of thinking, rank isn't how I define myself. I'm way more than a belt. Trust me.

BUT... my instructor says "You're testing"... and then drops the bombshell... and by the way, someone high ranking may be here. Hope you like surprises.

I hate surprises. By the time Saturday night had rolled around, I had convinced my hubbie we needed to move to Canada. Like... now. Immediately. Or to be honest, I hadn't convinced HIM, but I had convinced myself that I had convinced him. (P.S. the Test was Saturday).

Sunday came and I was literally shaking with fear (which oddly enough doesn't burn any calories?) before my test. But my friends pushed me.. literally they PUSHED me out on the floor and I survived and succeeded. In front of an 8th Degree Senior Master. Who I adore and who flew in to surprise me. AND I WAS (especially because his wife and he kept posting things on facebook which were true but which led me to believe he couldn't possibly be coming....)

But I did it. And I passed. And I even got a couple of chuckles out of the test board (which I appreciated because lord knows if I have any talent at all, it's in funny). And although I choked a couple times, and although my technique... well... STINKS because of my balance issues, I passed. And I've never been prouder.

See, I haven't just lost 14 lbs on this journey. I got rid of some fear and faced my test board. The weight is over. I am now a 3rd degree black belt.

Thank you for being a friend.... and what it means.

A friend cheers you on whether you've lost an ounce, a pound, or your patience.

A friend encourages you to eat healthier and doesn't lie when telling you that you've made a good (or not so good) food choice when you go out to eat. With them.

A friend notices a new haircut, weight loss, and when you've taken the time to put on makeup. Without you having to mention it.

A friend will tell you... the jeans are NOT the problem. And then blame your GENES instead.

A friend will pick you up when you're down, kick you in the seat of your pants when you need it. And NOT put up with your whining because they know whining leads to excuses which lead to failure.

A friend will look at your diary and not judge you. Or your choices. Because they know if you logged that you ate an arbitrary snack, you're either okay with it (in which case you don't need to hear that you shouldn't have eaten it) OR because you're not OK with it and you are already struggling.

A friend will watch a bad movie with you even if they know that means you'll be providing your own entertaining commentary. And throwing popcorn.

A friend will keep you from going out in the outfit you thought made you look beautiful but really looks like a circus tent. Or puts you in jeopardy of being someone's next call to What Not To Wear.

A friend will NOT call What Not To Wear on you. Ever.

As long as you're acting and living healthy, a friend won't tell you whether you should lose weight or not... they'll just support you either way.

A friend will agree with you when you say your spouse is an angel on earth or the devil's spawn. Sometimes in the same sentence.

A friend will agree with you when you say your children are either too smart or not smart enough to be yours. And then blame your spouse. :0)

A friend will NOT buy you treats they know you have a hard time eating just one of. Or they will only buy one. Or they will buy more than one but only give you one at a time.

A friend will laugh at your jokes. No matter how bad they are or how many times you've told them. Today.

A friend will promise to challenge you to wheelchair races in the nursing home.

A friend will be there when you have surgery, are sick, have company coming, or are overwhelmed. And they will forget how messy the problem was they helped fix... because they love you enough to never hold it over your head.

A friend will push you to do more than you thought you could.

I'm so happy you are my friend and I am yours. I welcome new friends all the time! This isn't the Titanic, folks... there are lifeboats for all!

Holocaust Remembrance Day- Never Forget

Today is World Holocaust Remembrance Day, a stark reminder of the depths of humanity's unchecked depravity and intolerance. I'm struck though, by the thought of the people who tried to fight against the tide, who risked their own lives to help strangers, who saw evil and attempted to thwart it.

On this solemn day, which serves to remind us of the dangers of bigotry, racism, and hatred... I wish I could say these problems are gone. And yet, I see people constantly judging, belittling, and even sometimes bullying others. Sometimes for their beliefs or their faith, sometimes for their figure, sometimes for their appearance, sometimes for their own needs. Isn't the lesson learned already?

At its heart, bullying represents the worst of us. It is NOT okay to build ourselves up by tearing others down. It is NOT okay to destroy others in an attempt to create what WE want. It is NOT okay to stand idly by and watch while others do things you know to be wrong and to not try to stop it, or at least bring it to the attention of those who can.

We must never allow the evil of the Holocaust to return. We must also not allow bullying to continue. Not in our schools, our homes, or our workplaces. The fact that there are children out there so traumatized by their peers that they take their own lives... this is beyond heartbreaking.

What can we do?

Be a source of light and inspiration.

Be someone who extends a hand in friendship to others regardless of race, religion, sexual identity, or economic status.

Be a champion of freedom and justice. Defend those who cannot defend themselves.

Be the one to remind others that judging people leads to a focus on our differences and makes it easier to point fingers at "them". Instead of "them", focus on "us". We are all in this together.

Be an advocate, not a bystander.

Be a voice for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

Be someone who does not tolerate injustice.

When we band together, we are unbreakable. When we allow bullies to earn their way to power, it takes a World War to stop them.

Never forget. Never again.

I've been out-positived. And I dare you to try it.

Today, I watched a video posted by a friend that brought tears to my eyes. I want you all to watch it too.

We all have moments of self doubt, of self pity, of frustration and anger.

But, after watching this man with no arms and no legs embrace life and find positivity, I'm more determined than ever to NEVER allow myself the luxury of wallowing in my own muck.

I consider myself a pretty upbeat and positive person... but he made me really think about things. Things I would like to say to you because I care about you. I'm not advocating becoming selfish and ONLY thinking about your needs... but what I am suggesting is that if you don't look out for yourself, no one else can do it for you.

Love yourself. I know it sounds trite, but if you don't love you, how can anyone else?

You are worth it. You are beautiful, inside and out. It's not the number on the scale that determines beauty or worth.

Don't vest your happiness in someone else's actions. Make your own happy. Find a way to make someone's day brighter. Every day. And it will rub off on you.

Make your life what YOU want it to be. For you. And share it with people who share your values. Make friendship count.

Don't expect it to be easy. If it was easy, we'd all be thin, rich, and have clean houses. (by the way, my house is a mess.... ) :)

Prioritize your time. And your energy.

When you know a relationship is toxic, treat it like a hazardous chemical. Wear gloves, protect yourself, and minimize your exposure. Sometimes it's the only way to handle a relationship which you value with a person you love but who isn't able to have a positive relationship with you.

And if you don't believe me, take a couple of minutes to be inspired. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Gc4HGQHgeFE

100 days into the journey to finding my Skinny Me

Wow. This morning I hit my first century and triple digit day on MFP. So, in keeping with my promise to blog whenever I felt the urge, I've decided to share some things I found that have helped me reach this date without feeling deprived, hungry, or resentful....

Now, there is a quick caveat... I don't eat clean, I'm a conscientious omnivore, I eat a handful of gummy bears almost every day, and yet I've lost 13 1/2 pounds in 14 weeks. So, take my advice with a grain of salt. But not more than that because I'm a stickler for sodium....

So here are my tips, for what they are worth:

1). Don't call it a diet. MFP provides you with information, but no one dictates what you can or can't eat. DIET is a 4-letter word. Diet means you're not allowed to eat things or have to only eat others. MFP is more like a bank account. You have a daily balance to achieve between calories in and weight loss goals. Don't get yourself stuck in a diet mentality.

2) Don't give up your social life. MFP has a HUGE food database for all kinds of restaurants. We know you don't want to give your life up or not be able to go out with friends. So go. And enjoy! But so you can be aware of what you're doing, just log it.

3) Do log your food. Whether you go over or you stay under, if you want to get the big picture on a weekly basis (and remember we record weekly weight), you need to keep track even on the days when it looks ugly as we look back on it. The truth is you need to reduce your caloric intake by 3500 calories a week (some may disagree but that's what I've been told and it's working for me so far) in order to lose a pound a week. So maybe you went over one day by 500 calories.... just balance it out over the rest of your week and you've not lost any ground.

4) Do use measurements to monitor your loss. Don't just rely on the scale. Remember the scale is only one measurement of the changes your body is making. Don't put too much power in those numbers to make you feel like you are ONLY doing well if you lose or you've failed if you gained. Just be sure you understand why either way. And measure your body. Even if you're not losing pounds, you may be losing inches and that counts tremendously.

5) Buy low-calorie snacks that you can enjoy and savor them. For me, those Special K Sour Cream & Onion cracker chips are absolutely heaven sent. I love them instead of fried anythings. I know how big a serving is and can sit down with them and enjoy them.... for 110 calories. To me, that's a treat. And one that I can afford.

6) Cook simply and in bulk. I have found that my crock pot and a lean cut of turkey or beef with just a little bit of no salt seasoning and some no-salt canned veggies can become a soup or a meal that I can eat for days. I've invested in some single serve Ziploc containers I can use to make and freeze a weeks worth of lunches in a single meal... and I save some $$ that way too.

7) If you don't really want it and you're not loving it... don't eat it. Calories are too precious to waste on something you don't really want but that you are eating just because it's there. Promise yourself something you do want. Log it so you can see the cost. Think of it as shoes. Those ugly cowbell slippers might only be $5.99 at your local ShoesRUs, but if you spent that $5.99 there, you might miss out on the Stuart Weitzmann pumps that were on sale at FancyShoes for $55.99 because you're
just $5.99 short. Does that even make sense?

8) Log into MFP every day. Even when you feel cruddy, or when you're bloated, or when youdon't want to because you know darn well you've gained. Log in because the support and love is here. Log in because you have friends that will cheer you on. Log in because it does count. If I hadn't logged in every one of those 100 days, I wouldn't BE at 100 days.

9) Track your sodium. I don't remember anymore if that's one of the standard things MFP includes in the daily diary, but if it's not, customize yours and add it. Sodium is a hidden weight loss land mine. Most of the folks who I've noticed get stuck on a plateau or find themselves not losing are not watching their sodium... and it adds up FAST.

My Taekwon-Do Journey & Why I Can't Quit (my 3rd degree black belt testing essay)

Teaching Taekwon-Do is as much a part of my life as breathing. But on September 1, 2010, whether by simple accident or by fate, my life changed in a split second when my foot slid off a curb and twisted as it hit the ground when I was getting out of my car. It was a single moment, a millisecond really, that passed before I could even register what had happened.

My life at that point was fairly predictable, I was gearing up for a November test date for 3^rd Dan. I was worried about whether I would be able to do my instructor proud because my physical abilities have always been somewhat of a stretch. I’ve never been able to jump high or had great flexibility. But what I HAD and what I still have to this day is a love for the art of Taekwon-Do. It is that love that kept me training (sort of anyway) and teaching through 2.5 months of a walking cast, 15 months of physical therapy, and many fairly discouraging doctor visits. It is that love that forced me to channel my energy into finding new and sometimes dramatically unconventional ways to help my students along their journeys.

I had assumed my journey, at least as a student, had come to a crashing halt. I kept waiting for my foot to heal. And waiting. And waiting. And…. In the meantime, since I was unable to perform techniques or demonstrate them, I developed a new teaching vocabulary and a whole new style.

I studied the nuances of the techniques in the Encyclopedia and focused on making sure my students understood the overall concepts behind the moves on a far more detailed level. I became enamored with Step Sparring and the freedom it offers the students to “test” their own theories of what attacks and blocks belong together. I found a new way to love Taekwon-Do.

I learned to rely on my juniors and my students to help with classes more, since many of the classes rely on “watching” the instructor and well, watching me for technique is like trying to learn how to play music from someone without an instrument. In learning how to describe techniques with more detail, in focusing on the kinetic movement, and in identifying not only the purpose of each technique but its application in my instruction, I believe I became a better teacher. Not necessarily good, mind you, but better. :0)

And, in my efforts to become a better teacher, I developed even more creative ways to present the material without losing the details. I made up games and mnemonics, silly rhymes and names, and then, when nothing else seemed to work to get my students to understand what I was trying to get them to do, there were the famous ferocious feral ferrets which will always have a special place in my heart… and of course, there were the endless (admittedly sometimes groan worthy) jokes. I’ve always found people learn better when they enjoy themselves.

While I recognize there’s a lot that I’ve lost, I think I’ve gained something even more important. I’ve learned to use my sense of humor, my years of singing lessons, my amazing art abilities (feel free to ask my students about the many-toed feet I draw for them), my English major writing skills, and my sense of humour (British style) to make me a more intellectually flexible teacher. I’ve figured out (albeit not in a pretty way but in the best way I know how) ways to be able to do my patterns… more than I ever dreamed would be possible. And, sure, it’s not pretty. And sometimes I wish I COULD do more. But I’ve already done more than I thought would be possible. And I’ll never give up.

Because what Taekwon-Do has taught me, above all else, is the value of having a dream to chase and a goal to reach for. And because I have an amazing instructor and best friend in Mrs. Marianne Armstrong who simply by continuing to do what she does and lead by example despite her many physical limitations and injuries, and who never complains, and who always has a smile on her face and a kind word for all, serves as a reminder every day that quitting is never an option.

90 days... what I've learned....

I have now been logging on to MFP for 90 days. I know this, because on my profile page, it is my status. 90 days. Wow.

Thank goodness MFP counts my days for me, because anyone who knows me "from the real world" knows how math-tastic I am not. Really. I went to law school BECAUSE I knew I could write, and because I knew I couldn't add. (side note.. if I could have added, I would have figured out how much of an investment NOT to make in going to law school... by the time I was done paying off my school debt, I was ready to leave the practice of law altogether...)

But that's a story for a different day. Today, 90 days in, I feel like I need to share some less smart alecky maybe actually useful suggestions that have helped me make it to 90 days. I don't eat Clean, or Vegan, or claim to have any mystic knowledge. I'm not a nutritionist or an expert. Please don't tell me what I'm doing "wrong" because honestly, I'm happy. And what I'm doing is working FOR ME. It isn't a recipe for success for anyone else, but it is some tips that I found helpful. So, for what it's worth, here they are:

1) THIS IS NOT A DIET. Seriously, this is the number one thing. There are no required foods or forbidden foods. I think of each day as having a bank of calories to spend as I wish. And MFP as my calculator helping me figure out what I can afford to eat (see math phobia above). There are several accounts I monitor pretty closely- namely calories, fat, and sodium. I don't watch the carbs or the sugars as much. To date, this is still working for me. But I'm only trying to lose a pound a week. This is a marathon for me, not a sprint.

2) IT IS WORTH IT TO EXERCISE. Even if I only burn 110 calories pedaling away on my recumbent bike like a hamster on a wheel, it's worth it to get my body moving. Because I see the reward both in terms of the numbers on the scale and in terms of being able to add to my daily "caloric bank". I DO eat my exercise calories back. It works for me. If it doesn't for you, then don't. But I can only tell you what works for me.

3) IF THERE"S SOMETHING I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT, I HAVE IT. This is true whether I'm talking about a healthyfood that might be a little more expensive (darn it, I'm worth it) OR it might be an unhealthy food. What's the difference? Easy. If it's (let's say) SHRIMP, yum yum yum... I can easily justify spending the money because I know I'll really enjoy it. Can I do it every day? Of course not. But I do appreciate it when I do splurge a little. Similarly, if it's let's say GUMMY BEARS, I can easily afford the money... but can I afford the calories? Depends on the rest of my day. There are plenty of days where I've been able to fit in a handful of gummy bears. But I take ONE handful. And I count 'em out. And I love em. And I bite their heads off first. :)

4) I KEEP EASY LOW-CAL SNACKS ON HAND FOR DAYS WHEN I DON'T WANT "MEALS". There are ALWAYS carrots and hummus in my house. And Special K snack foods really work for me. I LOVE the 100 calorie fruit crisps for breakfast (and haven't found anything else with 100 calories that I enjoy as much) and the occassional Sour Cream & Onion Special K crackers (27 crackers for like 100 or 110 calories). I buy low-fat Tzatziki dip at Costco and eat it on Sweet Peppers. Yummylicious. And totally satisfying.

5) I PLAN AHEAD... SO I CAN GO ANYWHERE AND FIND SOMETHING TO EAT.I love the MFP Food database. From the first weekend when I joined and realized I COULD still go to Culvers with our TKD family and find something there that I could enjoy and still keep under calories... that is really meaningful to me. I happen to LIKE to go out to eat. I'm not a huge fan of cooking... so being able to go out and eat with my friends was critical to my success. And having the ability to plan meals at some of the trickier restaurants allowed me to go in and not face the menu and panic.

6) WHETHER I HAVE A GREAT DAY OR I GO OVER... I JUST KEEP MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ONE. I don't spend my life worrying about whether I was too far over or too far under on any one day. Why? Cause this is a marathon, not a sprint (see above). And because tomorrow I won't remember what I did today (I'm a little like Dory.. and I just keep swimming swimming swimming)....why are you following me? ;) Oh yeah and also because I get to see a big picture on a weekly basis. I'm aiming for that 3500 calorie deficit over a week-long period (I know some of you say baloney but since it is working for me, I buy it).

7) I STAY POSITIVE. This is the one I think that really keeps me going. If I gain, or if I lose each week, I DON'T LET IT RATTLE MY CAGE too much. That's right. Whether I lose or gain, I see it as a bump in the road. I don't get out of the car to see whether what I hit was a wallet or a skunk... I just keep driving. I figure if it was a wallet, then I don't want to be too excited because I'm going to be invested in finding whose it was. If it was a skunk, and I get out and make a big deal about it, I'm just likely to get sprayed. So if there's a loss, I note it, and i'm pleased because it shows I'm doing things right FOR ME. But I'm not pretending that because I lost it... it's gone forever. It's only gone forever if I keep on going. And if there's a gain, I don't throw my hands up in despair and claim it's not working. I try to understand WHY it happened, and as long as I do, I learn. And I keep on going.

Just keep swimming.....

I give up.... it doesn't work anyway... I don't care.... I want to quit (AFD post)

I give up...
Meaningless munchies and late night snacks that don't do anything good for me.
It doesn't work anyway
To keep eating like I was eating without balancing my life with exercise
I don't care
how small a nibble I put in my mouth, I log it. Because I need to see what does and doesn' t work and the big picture.
I want to quit
Making excuses and waiting for my health to change without taking control of my life and my weight and my choices.
Made ya look, didn't I? Happy April Fool's Day! :)

Who Put the Break in Spring? Or... why having kids home makes food choices challenging

There are 4 seasons. I'm sure of it. Well, in Michigan, there might only be two. Winter...and Road Construction. But in the rest of the universe/world, there are supposedly 4 seasons. I've heard them referred to sporadically in terms of Fall, Winter, Summer and Spring.

In the "Winter" season come many holidays for many faiths which involve a) children being home from school and b) food and dining opportunities that present many challenges to many people. But truly, I get that one. The Winter holiday season embraces family togetherness, which often invites stress, and with all that food around, sometimes it's the only way to keep ones mouth full enough to NOT SAY the thing they know will be recorded and come back to bite them.

BUT IT"S SPRING. And yet, with 2 kids home for 10 days (or was it 11), there is a whole new host of food crises on the horizon. And I'm not talking about Chocolate Bunnies or Chocolate covered matzah (depending on your religious preferences). I'm talking about the 1,352 daily meals that suddenly people are eating. IN MY HOUSE. ALL THE TIME....

And I'm the first to admit. I'm a kids' food fan. You set out hot dogs, hamburgs, grilled cheese, tomato soup? I'm there. And my kids are seriously ridiculously skinny. Which genes they inherited from their "still fits into the pants we got married in 20 years ago" father. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still fit into the pants I wore around the time of our wedding.... just these days its with my ARMS!

So the super slim boys are constantly grazing. Which is great because I want them to have full unfettered access to the healthy foods and snacks in the house. I WANT them to eat and gain weight. The healthy way. BUT.... I'm apparently genetically incapable of just walking by an assortment of perfectly healthy snacks without the calories leaping out of the fruit and onto my hips. Apparently there's a code somewhere in calories land (kind of like cats that realize you're allergic to them so they choose you) that makes a magnetic attraction to people who are fighting them.

So during my kids' time home from school, I will enjoy every moment I get to spend with them. And I will encourage them to eat healthy foods all day long because their nutritional needs are primary to me. But I'm going to have a long talk with the foods in the kitchen.

Yeah, bananas... I mean you. I know about your potassium and such and I'm all about you being here in the house. I'll enjoy your presence and if I consume you, will happily claim your calories as my own. But don't be doing some weird food transfer to me just because I'm doing dishes. Otherwise, I'll make you into bread. Kapishe?

How do I wear my "Big Girl" panties and "deal with it" when they won't stay up? (NSV)

So, for years now, I've been a fan of the phrase "Put on your Big Girl panties and deal with it"... seems to sum up what I mean about learning to accept adversity with grace and style....

Yesterday, I wrote a blog post that honestly made me giggle. Excessively. Because I was able to play with words. I love words. Especially with friends. ;)

And I talked about all the positive things I had gained since joining MFP. What? You say? Gained? But I joined MFP to lose! And lose, I have... in terms of weight.

But as I read the comments, I honestly was so pleased that so many of you enjoyed what I had to say that I decided to write the blog post I've been avoiding for the last few days. Because I wasn't 100% sure that I wanted to share THIS particular NSV with you all.

But since in the words of Sally Fields "You like me.... You really like me"... here goes.

I am assertive, confident, and strong. I control my destiny, my attitude, and my eating habits. I am loud and boisterous and live life with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the shopping cart. I'm a Mom of 2 amazing boys, wife to a wonderful husband, and my life is full of amazing friends. I'm a 2nd (soon to be 3rd) degree black belt. I am one of the owners of a martial arts school where family comes first and friends become family. I think I handle adversity pretty darn well considering I destroyed my foot in an unfortunate incident a year and a half ago. I don't let anything get me down.

But, please.... don't ask me to put my Big Girl panties on and deal with it... cause THEY DON"T FIT ANYMORE! ;) Guess I'll have to learn to deal with stuff like Spongebob does... in Bikini Bottom instead! ;)

Gaining instead of losing... MFP from the inside out

I joined MFP on 1/12/12 hoping to lose some weight.

I'm sure you joined for the same reason.

And instead of just losing weight, I've gained. LOTS. Way more than I ever even considered as a possibility.

I've gained:

1) Friends. There. I've said it. I've heard MFP referred to (unflatteringly but in my opinion entertainingly) as "Facebook for the heavyset crowd". But here on MFP, I've met folks from around the world who are fighting the same fight I am. They are of all shapes and sizes, all walks of life, all religions, and all here to help each other through what at times can be a difficult battle to fight alone. Seems to me that the United Nations would be a WHOLE different kettle of fish if you were able to harness the power of MFP... but that's a story for another day.

2) Knowledge. Again, I THOUGHT I knew how to diet. I've done 'em all. From weekly meetings to meals without starch to grapefruit to cookies, I've tried every diet under the sun. What I NEVER had before? Was a true understanding of how and why calories work. And how many I need. And what exercise actually does for me. And how the whole nutritional balance works.

3) Readers. Yup, you guys. You keep me coming back and coming up with great ideas for new blog posts. Sure, some of them end up getting accidentally deleted because I forget to hit "save post" instead of "add post".... but I SO appreciate you taking the time to read the silly words my brain spits out.

4) Confidence. Not that I lacked this one before... I am kind of known for having it. In spades. Or clubs. Or diamonds. Just not usually known for... well... hearts. But this confidence is different. It's a confidence of being able to say I KNOW what I can afford to eat. Which allows me to choose to walk away when the bank account is low.

5) Flexibility. I NEVEr dreamed in a million years I'd be able to go out to eat when I was trying to lose weight. And, admittedly, it's not always easy to find restaurants and/or menu choices that fit inside my calorie/nutrition goal limits. But it IS possible. And having a smart phone makes the food database ALWAYS accessible. It means I can go anywhere and find something I can work with.

6) A healthier relationship with the scale. I used to dread getting on it every week and try to justify the cost of meetings with the results on the scale. So if I KNEW the scale was going to be going up, I would probably end up talking myself out of going to the meeting and before I knew it... I was back on the chipwagon again. NOW, on the other hand, the scale is just a buddy that helps me keep some perspective. Of course, most of my buddies see me in far more clothing...

7) Warm Fuzzies from being able to celebrate my friend's accomplishments and achievements, supporting them when they struggle, and sharing ideas.

So with all that I've gained... what have I lost? At last count, 12 lbs in 80+ days. I've lost some of my cravings, I've lost my interest in certain foods since learning what they actually cost me, and I've lost my attitude about food.

These days, food isn't my enemy or my comfort. It's just energy for my engine. :)

Weighty Matters & Busted Myths

So here I am, 75 days into my new lifestyle choice and almost 12 lbs less than when I started. Now anyone who knows me knows that my math skills are so bad as to be legendary but now that the kids are home I can confirm the /following. 75 days (roughly) equals 10 weeks (remember I haven't weighed in yet this week so I'm not counting it. 12 lbs over 10 weeks equals 1.2 pounds per week.

My goal when I started MFP was to lose a pound per week. And that, my friends, I have done. Feels pretty awesome... but it got me to thinking about all the tricks I used to use to "justify" my food choices. Do any of them sound familiar?

1) I'll only eat a handful and call it an ounce. Now I'm not one to measure every morsel, but I KNOW there are some constants. And a handful becomes a handful and a half... and before you know it, the bag is empty. These days I either buy single serve or use a scoop.

2) The salt I ate yesterday means I'm retaining water today... so I shouldn't weigh in. Ahhh... there's a tough one. On the one hand, if not weighing in is going to get you MORE motivated to get back on track, waiting a day is certainly not the end of the world... but I know for ME, waiting one day is going to make it easier to wait another and another. So I'll log it weekly, even if my weight goes up, just to stay honest. That's how I win that little head game.

3) Since I don't know EXACTLY what was in it, I will choose the lowest calorie option from the food database. Okay, I was out and a ate a Hamburger at the Dew Drop Inn. Now I know a McD's burger is only $#$#$ calories and a Fuddrucker's Burger is ($(*%($*%$( calories and there's the one little entry on MFP's database that just says Burger. 5 calories. YES, I CAN choose that one and then continue to eat the fries and drink my beer and convince myself I'm staying under... OR I can look for the burger with the HIGHEST number of calories and pick that and see what I really have a budget left for. I for one would always rather OVERESTIMATE on calories and UNDERESTIMATE on exercise. That way it's lose/lose on both ends and I get to LOSE more!

4) Well since I knew I was going to go over on my calories at this restaurant not listed in MFP I just didn't log it. Now this is totally a personal choice and I respect people on both sides of the aisle for handling it the way that works for them. FOR ME, however, I HAVE to log it. Because apparently I am incapable of seeing just how much food went down my gullet if I don't log it. And I am someone that could clean out a chinese buffet line, and if I didn't log it, then head to the movie theater and eat an entire bucket of popcorn. JUMBO sized. And not think anything of it. Because if I hadn't logged it, in my head, somehow, it wouldn't count. And I think for me it should.

5) That you HAVE to drink 8 glasses of water. There. I've said it. I have NOT been drinking enough water. I know it. I know I would lose MORE weight if I did. But I HATE water. With a passion that is beyond purple. It's actually more of a magenta. So I think you SHOULD drink it, but I am living proof that you CAN lose weight even if you don't.

6) That the broken cookies in the bag don't have any calories in them. Mythbusters should tackle that one professionally. Just saying.

It's a MysterEAT

It was a dark and stormy night. I was sitting behind my desk chowing through a bag of greasy snacks working on a client's file when the door suddenly opened. I jumped, quickly stashing the bag o'salt crumbs into my bottom drawer and wiping all the evidence on my shirt.

In walked a breathtakingly beautiful woman, dressed to the nines, in heels and fine clothes. The kind of woman who looks like she walked off the cover of a magazine. The kind of woman who clearly didn't belong in MY office. The kind of woman who didn't have cheerios so ingrained in the carpet of the car that they had, in fact, become a part of the car. To be honest, the kind of woman I often pretend I am in our annual holiday cards to friends and family.

I offered her a chair. She looked at the melted crayon drawings on the arms and decided to stand.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I 'm here?" she asked.

"Selling girl Scout Cookies?" was my slightly sardonic reply.

"Nice" she said and turned to go.

Because I need clients, and because I had promised the kids a trip to Disney World BEFORE they were old enough to take their own children there, I stopped her. And, although it went against my better judgment and tasted about as sour as a half-eaten lemon drop covered in dust bunnies and carpet fuzz, I apologized. But I had my fingers crossed behind my back.

I offered to shake her hand and proceeded to move the books from my "working" chair so she could sit without exposing herself to the germs my precious living petrie dishes had probably left there anyway. I didn't feel the need to inform her that chair was the spot we used to use as a diaper changing station. It just didn't feel necessary.

"Tell me your story," I said... and so she did.

"I am a happily married woman who has everything. A perfect husband, perfect life, perfect children, and a perfect home. And yet, everything isn't perfect."

"True, but if perfection is what you're after, I'm not sure I can help much. I'm just a private investigator, not a miracle worker." was my response.

"I'm.... I'm in love. And it's not with my husband.", she said, dabbing at her eyes with a monogrammed napkin. MY monogrammed napkin. Which was hand-monogrammed by the 3 year old. Crud.

"Well, that's too bad", I said, trying to subtly lean over and remove the "keepsake" from her reach before she blew her nose in it. Too late. Shoot.

"It's ... it's Amos. I can't live without him! And I need you to help me."

"Amos is your husband?" I said, writing his name down so I had something to do.

"NO... my husband is Pierpont Cuttlebutt the 3rd. AMOS is the man I am in love with. And you have to help me find him."

"What can you tell me about him?"

"He bakes the MOST delicious cookies..." and with that, I saw her sneak a couple of fingers into her dainty little briefcase and heard a rustling I recognized immediately.

"Is he rather famous?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Well, he seems to be" was her reply.

"Ah-ha" I said, grabbing her hand and pulling it out to examine the evidence. Yup, there it was. Chocolate brown stains all over her fingertips and a whiff of cookie dough... it was
obvious.

"This isn't love, pumpkin... it's just dessert" I said. I do so enjoy stating the obvious. "You don't want to jeopardize what you have with your family for this joker. He's on every shelf in every city.... Famous Amos gets around."

"But... but... he means everything to me!"... and with that, Mrs. C. totally fell apart. "He's there when I'm down, when I wake up, when I'm lonely or sad... he's the only one I know I can count on..."

I gave her a moment to gain some composure. Then I confessed my deep dark secret to her. "Listen, toots, I've been there. I used to have a thing for Mr. Salty. But then, I discovered a solution that works. Maybe it can help you too. It's called MFP."

"What I learned is how to find balance in my life. How to make sure I have accountability for my own choices and yes, occasionally, to have some salty treats too. But I log those choices... and it doesn't have to be anything more than a treat. Stay in your marriage, sweetie. This Amos guy... he doesn't need you. You're nothing more to him than another mouth to feed."

"Wait..." she said, snuffling through the tears. "You mean... I don't have to choose between cookies and my family?"

"Nope."

"I CAN have it all?"

"Nope. You can't have ALL of it, all of the time. You DO get to choose for yourself what matters most. And if those cookies mean enough to you, you can have them AND your family. Just not the whole bag."

She threw a couple of bills on my desk and walked out.

And that, folks, is just the beginning of the story of how Mrs. Cuttlebutt discovered true love at home, changed her relationship with food, and joined MFP. And yeah... those chips from the beginning of the story? I logged 'em. Each and every one.

The Battle of the Bulge- A Revolutionizing War

The soldier's eyes quickly checked her equipment to make sure it was all in working order.... scanned the field for easy targets, and scoured the shadows for enemies. This was no ordinary battle, and she was no ordinary soldier. She was armed with a smartphone and a food list from MFP. The fatty foods in the grocery store aisles didn't stand a chance. Her orders were... shoot to fill.

Fill her cart with healthy foods and good choices. Fill her mind with knowledge and nutritional information. Fill her body with the right levels of nutrients to keep her strength optimal, her energy levels top notch, and her spirit with positive energy. These were her missions.

Gliding silently around end-caps overflowing with processed snacks and chips, the soldier, like a ninja, swerved and swooped the cart through that minefield and safely arrived in the produce department, taking refuge among the vegetables and fruits that sheltered her.

Hidden among the celery stalks, the soldier engaged in some strategic planning taking stock of her equipment and realizing that she COULD, in fact, risk having a couple of "treats" on hand... but that would mean venturing into the heart of enemy territory.... The CHIP aisle. But, in war, sacrifices must be made.

Taking a deep breath, the Soldier launched her surprise attack. Past the potato chips, the tortilla chips, the deep fried salty treats and pork rinds, stopping only long enough in the pretzel section to grab some individuallywrapped 100 calorie treats. She didn't dare to take a breath until she reached the end of the aisle, finding comfort in the air popped popcorn.

Slightly battered and bruised from her foray into combat, the Soldier checked out of the grocery store. Yes, the fight had cost her. But the war was hers. And she was winning.

Car Keys, Mind, TV Remote, My Nerve, My Cool..... and WEIGHT... What are "Things I've Lost" today....

If life was like a game show....

We would be too busy to rummage through the pantry looking for that salty/sweet/delectable treat because we'd be too busy trying to remember what the capital of Guam is. Which, by the way, I don't know. Feel free to help.

We would get little mini prizes for every pound lost. They'd be our parting gifts for the weight (sorry to see you go, blob o'fat.. but here... take with you a lovely ironing board courtesy of Fat B Gone...)

We could phone a friend to help us when we're feeling stuck on what to eat or what not to eat....

We could poll the audience... kind of like "eat this not that" but with the helpful advice so many offer. Of course since none of them can agree, we can be assured we won't be eating. Much. Again.

We could use another lifeline... ask the grocery stores to remove 1/2 of the unhealthy food on their shelves and for restaurants to serve 1/2 of their portions and fast food restaurants to only use 1/2 of the bread.

OR, we could just keep logging on MFP, enjoy a balanced diet full of whatever suits our nutritional and enjoyment needs but keeping a careful eye on moderation and calories as well as hidden problems like sodium, etc.

Me, I'm sticking with MFP. Final answer. How about you?

Reasons I work out at home....

1. I don't look for, buy, or seek out "cute" workout clothes. This is clothing I intend to sweat in, not dress up in. Now this doesn't mean I don't WEAR workout clothes everyday... I DO!!!! But we're talking sweats and a tshirt that the What Not To Wear People would be very smart NOT to try to take away from me. Seriously... I don't think it would be misusing Taekwon-Do to defend my tshirts from those skinny fashionistas.

2. I don't want to make small talk while I'm working out. I want to yell at the machine, the television, the characters in whatever show I happen to be watching (Sorry Ben from the Bachelor... you don't even know that we've had a ton of words about your choices... pretty sure there's no way you can hear me). I don't want to have to think about anything other than whatever it is that is making me be able to finish whatever torture I am giving myself by working out.

3. I don't wear makeup when I DRESS UP, much less when I work out. I see people who spend as much time getting themselves "READY" to go to the gym as I would spend working out there. This seems counterproductive. If I wanted mascara running down my cheeks as I sweat and yell, I would call it WARPAINT, not makeup.

4. I'm not intimidated by the people who are already skinny, nor am I overwhelmed with the ones who clearly make it a job. But I DO NOT LOVE TO EXERCISE. So no, we don't have that in common. If I could get thinner by slowly chewing my own arm off instead of getting on that stupid recumbent bike, I would consider it.

5. I'm not looking to make friends when I can't possibly keep up. If I'm going to make friends and influence people, it's going to be when I'm doing what I do best... typing slightlysarcastic and amusing blog posts. Not when I'm sucking wind and trying not to scream because I feel like a hamster and there is NO CHEESE at the end of the ride.

6. The only thing perky about me is my personality. So when I see these ladies jumping and running and bouncing all over, all I can think is... there's not an undergarment in the world strong enough for me to be able to do that without injuring myself....

So there it is, folks... no one but me and The Bachelor when I work out. ;)

The Sole Shopping Survivor...A Mom surrounded by scavengers

Before I married my husband, I remember looking at him and his parents. His father and mother are exceptionally attractive people. Beautiful both inside and out. And honestly, scary young and healthy looking. And in the 18+ years we've been married, I've watched my husband grow to look more and more and more like his dad. And yet his parents remain vibrant, healthy, and just as young as they did the day we got married.

It sucks not to have that gene pool.

And then I look at my 2 boys... my 11 year old who has the metabolism of a mako shark (really.. have you ever seen a fat shark) but who has a healthy appetite and a joy for life... and my 13 year old who looks like he could be on Sally Struther's "Feed this Child for 29 cents a day" infomercial. AND WE DO FEED THEM...

So because all the men in my house don't gain weight or have any health issues other than being underweight, as the MOM who does all the groceryshopping... it's unnerving.

Here I am proclaiming my weight loss journey to the universe both on my blog, MFP and f/b to all my friends... and yet if you saw me in the grocery store, loading my cart up with chips and ice cream and treats because my boys not only CAN eat them but actually NEED the fat and such.... you'd be likely to look at my cart and say "oh really"...

But really, under all the crap I buy for them, is the single serve portions of my treats. And sometimes, just need to say it, THEY EAT THOSE TOO!!!!!!!

I have come home and discovered they have even eaten the carrots... or the yogurt.. that I hoped they wouldn't notice.

My oldest will turn his nose up at candy and instead of sweets will choose low fat crackers and hummus. My youngest would eat air popped popcorn every day. And yet I have to encourage them to either eat RIDICULOUS helpings of these treats or push the less healthy snacks on them. Their pediatrician (I kid you not) wants my oldest to have ice cream every night to try to make it ONTO the weight charts. And my husband still wears the same size he did when we got married. And he eats more than his fair share of crap too... and his cholesterol is ridiculously good.

I've offered to try to find a way to use the Dyson to suck the fat out of my thighs and donate it to my family. Until I have some way to do that, I guess my pantry will have to remain a battleground between good and evil, mine and theirs.

Bought me some "Carrot Chips" this week at Costco. See if they eat those. Dried carrots with a little sea salt. I don't even LIKE THEM but I'm hoping they don't either so when they sit down with their chips I can go to the closet and pull something out that will still have packages in the box!!!

Log it or leave it... If it's not worth writing, it's not worth biting

Hmmmm... noticed a common thread among posters tonight in the myfitnesspal.com forums who have trouble coming to grips with their so-called "Cheat Days" and then coming back to regularly scheduled meals.

I'm NOT judging the whole cheat day concept.... except for a couple of points worth mentioning:

1).... WHY is it a CHEAT day? Who are you CHEATING? Remember, the one who benefits most from being healthy is YOU!!!!!

So if you want an INDULGENCE day, darn it, TAK E ONE. But don't call it cheating. That's like when my 2nd grader came home in tears because he thought he cheated on his first "spelling test".... quote of the day was "BUT MOM... w hen I closed my eyes I could just see the words so I knew how to spell them"... Well, kiddo, THAT's NOT CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Having finally gained accountability for our intake and portion sizes, why throw that to the wind? Again, where is the benefit and who are you doing this for?

My suggestion is that the calories that you eat EVERY day count. Regardless of whether you indulge or not. And EVERY 3500 calories that you eat equals a pound. PERIOD. Equating "Cheat" Day calories with the philosophy that the broken cookies have no calories... makes no sense to me.

3) What are you doing to yourself on a regular basis that you feel the need to cheat on anyway???

If you have a budget of calories EVERY day, and you use them wisely and healthily and sometimes to treat yourself, and you stay NEAR or UNDER your calorie goal, eventually.... you WILL lose weight. Not all at once. Not overnight. Remember you didn't go to bed as skinny as a rail and wake up the size of the train.

MFP doesn't have a list of foods you can't eat or restrictions on what you HAVE to eat... all it says is.. you can lose weight eating X calories per day. Want to eat more than that? Fine!!!! You are just effecting that week's weight loss.

NO ONE GETS KICKED OUT OF MFP FOR EATING ABOVE THEIR DAILY GOAL.

4) Imagine if you will that you are a shopper. And you have some debt. And you decide that you are going to get your debt under control. If you go out once a week and splurge all your savings on a new whatchamagadget, why yes... you have a whatchamagadget.... BUT YOU GAVE UP YOUR SAVINGS FOR IT.

If you really WANT a whatchamagdget, by all means... save up for it. But don't change the interest you're paying by adding to the debt. Make a separate account for yourself and put spare change in it. Same thing with calories.

5) PRETENDING THAT YOU DIDN"T EAT IT DOESN"T MAKE IT LESS LIKELY THAT YOU ATE IT.

Now I admit, this one is a stretch for me... I'm kind of trying to expand my thinking to wrap my head around the concept that "not logging it" is somehow a reward. I guess I'm either too new at this or too convinced that it works to accept that. See... from my perspective, if it's worth eating, it's worth KNOWING WHAT I ATE. That way I can make an intelligent decision. And since I'm pretty sure my brain is smarter than my stomach (or I wouldn't be IN this mess), I'd rather turn the controls over to my brain.

So does all this mean I never eat junk or go over my calories? Not in the slightest. I have enjoyed sweets and salty treats. But I've done it with my eyes open and fully aware of the consequences because I'm not an ostrich.

So if you're going to indulge, by all means, enjoy. But log it. So later you can look back on it and decide... was it worth it? And would I do it again?

Anyway, my 2 cents. I'm NOT suggesting you never change up your calorie intake. I have read both pro and con articles about keeping your metabolism guessing which makes sense to me.... BUT I'm pretty sure my brain and my mouth won't tell my metabolism what we're doing.